


World Enough and Time

by nomeancity



Category: Chanur Series - C. J. Cherryh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-15
Updated: 2017-12-15
Packaged: 2019-02-15 00:11:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13019166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nomeancity/pseuds/nomeancity
Summary: Khym Mahn lived the life his world expected of him. He would like another one for himself.





	1. Boy

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Shadowlover](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadowlover/gifts).



> Happy Yuletide, Shadowlover! I hope you enjoy this - I always liked Khym Mahn and wanted to hear more from him. It turned out he had rather a lot to say...

“This is very well researched, Khym. Well done!” _ker_ Arafy’s smile was no wider than for any other student, but her eyes were warm. “I particularly enjoyed your synthesis of the possible drivers behind the high frequency of the mutation.”

He tried hard to keep his answering smile polite and adult, when he really wanted to bounce for joy like the cub he was trying not to be. He settled for pricking his ears up as much as he could. “I found the conflicting theories so interesting, _ker_ Arafy… Actually, I would like to extend the study, if you would allow me.”

His teacher leaned back thoughtfully. “Your work in genetics is quite advanced. I’m not sure what further study would gain… What area were you considering?”

 _Now for it._ “I’d like to study the changes in frequency of some mutations over time. I mean, there are several that have obvious population markers and I read about some equations I could use to check if they are in equilibrium. If I studied a little more mathematics…” He trailed off, watching _ker_ Arafy’s ears flatten.

“Khym, mathematics is not a suitable course of study for you. We have been over this before.” He dropped his gaze, feeling his ears wilting, and pretended to study the grain of the desk, as she continued, “In fact, I think you may have neglected the arts side of your education. Perhaps you should provide a comparative study of the contrasting poetic imagery of the Nifan period for tomorrow.”

He would have lowered his gaze further, if it were possible. He actually enjoyed poetry and had memorised a great deal of it, as _ker_ Arafy well knew. But comparative analysis! It could hardly be more dull. It wasn’t as though the ancient stylised forms of hani poetry had changed much at all, before the first contact with other sapients.

“Well, Khym? Is that a problem?”

He forced himself to meet her eyes, though he couldn’t bring himself to raise his ears from their droop. “No, _ker_ Arafy. But I was hoping for something more…technical.”

“Technical.” She stared at him expressionlessly. He struggled to hold her gaze and to look respectful, rather than pleading. Finally, just when he thought that he must look away and slink back to his desk, her ears twitched briefly. “Fine. I would like a comparative study of hani and mahendo’sat law, with special emphasis on the effects of the latter on the former. Actually…” She bent and rummaged in the desk drawers, before dumping a pile of files on the table in front of him with a daunting thud. “You can base your research around these case studies. Mind, I expect you to look up the precedents in the textbooks as well. Concentrate on the effects on land usage, Immune status and trade. Let’s see if that’s technical enough for you.”

He blinked hard. It wasn’t science, and even further from mathematics, but… “Thank you, _ker_ Arafy!” He moved hastily to gather up the files, before she could change her mind, but she was leaning back with a satisfied expression. She didn’t smile, but she slanted an ear meaningfully at him.

 “Off with you, whelp. Remember, I want a first draft by the end of tomorrow. That should keep you out of trouble...” As he turned away, his arms full of the dusty case files, he could have sworn his newly pricked ears caught a final mutter, “…At least for a little while.”

* * *

The case studies were _fascinating_. He buried his nose in them for the rest of the afternoon, making furious notes. Mahendo’sat were so different, so _alien_ – though perhaps that should have been obvious. He could see where certain concepts the aliens had brought had been twisted into hani shape and incorporated into the _han_. He wondered if they had taught the mahendo’sat anything in return, and bent frowning over the textbook he’d dragged out of the library to see if there was a way he could incorporate that into his essay. Maybe _ker_ Arafy would agree to an extension if he presented her with a plan…

“Teacher’s pet!” The accompanying cuff to the back of his head was hard enough to make his eyes water.

He turned on his sister – of course, it would be Kurin – with an earnest snarl. “Ow, Ku! Leave off! And I’m not – she wouldn’t let me study the maths.”

Ku matched him, snarl for snarl, her ears flat. He was bigger than her now, but that had never increased her respect for him. It had worked that way for some of his cousins, even though he had never hit any of them without significant goading first. As far as Ku was concerned, she would always be older, and he would always be her despised, dreamy younger brother. “What’s it to you, anyway?”

“What’s it to me? You think it doesn’t make a difference to me that my brother’s forever got his nose in a book, when he could be doing something useful? What are you doing all this learning for? What good does it do?”

He stared at her, honestly nonplussed, then shrugged. “It’s not for anything, particularly. It’s just interesting.”

She spat, contemptuously. “Interesting! None of your science or your learning will make you Lord of Mahn.”

He hunched a shoulder and turned back to the files. “I don’t want to be Lord of Mahn.”

“No? Well, brother, you’ll die alone in the Hermitage. A lot of good all your learning will do you then.” Her eyes narrowed, seeing his flinch. “You don’t get it, do you? You won’t get to read books all day there. You’ll wish you’d spent more time hunting or training, when you have to fight every bravo who thinks he has to go through you to get Mahn. Gods! Little do they know – my useless little brother doesn’t want to be a lord.”

Goaded, he turned and stood up to tower over her, forcing her to look up to meet his eyes. His ears were as flat as hers now. “I can look after myself. They won’t find me such easy prey. And, Ku, _what’s it to you?_ ”

She took a step back at his raised voice, though her lips still curled back, baring fangs and not backing down. “Khym, you’re my only brother and you could be so strong! Look at you, you’re twice as big as some of the other boys your age…”

“I tell you, Ku, I’m not interested in fighting.” He started to turn back to his papers, but she stepped forward, her fangs suddenly gone and her voice turned urgent.

“You know the lord won’t let you stay much longer, though. This year, next year - he’ll make it a fight, whether you’re interested or not, and _you can’t win right now_.”

“So I’ll leave.” He tried to make his tone flat and uninviting, despite the sinking feeling in his stomach. He didn’t want to be a lord, but he loved his home. The gardens, the libraries, the sun on the hills in the morning… It was true that there were no books in the Hermitage.

Ku’s ears were flat back again and her next words were snarled, echoing his thought, “What do you _want_ , Khym? If it’s books and learning, the only way you’ll get that is as Lord of Mahn. I’m telling you, there aren’t any libraries or teachers in the Hermitage.” That caught his attention as nothing else had yet, and she almost wilted under his sudden focus, before going on hastily and almost pleadingly. “You have your best chance to take a lordship here, not on some foreign ground. I’d help you. Like I said, you’re my only brother and you’re strong, you could do it in a few years, win the fight. I can get some of the cousins behind us…”

He stared at her, thinking not of the fight, or the glory, but of what it might win him. Peace. Space, and time to study more. “Why me, Ku? Don’t go on about how I’m your brother, you’ve got little enough time for me. You could go out and get yourself a husband, bring him back to fight for Mahn, just the same.”

She was confident now that she had his attention, her ears up and her eyes keen, but she paused before she answered. “If I marry a man and bring him back, I’ll always be just one of his wives, even if I’m the first. And he’ll probably have sisters.” She stared back at him, not smiling. “I’m your only sister - that gives me power and a position here. I want Mahn to be mine, beyond all doubt.”

It made more sense that way. He could picture Ku managing the estate, and doing it well. And he could have all the peace he wanted. _Apart from challenges._ He brushed the thought aside. It had to be better than living the life of an outcast in the Hermitage forever. He had more confidence than Ku did that he could defend himself, but did he want to live in a world without books? He gave her a slow nod.

“I’ll fight for Mahn to be mine, too, sister. And if I fight at all, I’ll win.”


	2. Lord

It was hard to believe that he had finally got there, even three weeks later. His wounds had healed and he was carefully not thinking about the look in the old lord’s eyes when he had conceded. Daran _nef_ Mahn would be in the Hermitage now, if he lived yet… He brushed the thought aside. Now he was Khym _na_ Mahn, just as he and Ku had hoped and planned. It was definitely infinitely better than being in the Hermitage, even after he’d grown old enough and strong enough to face down any trouble without a fight.

He strolled idly through the gardens, wondering if it was time for lunch yet. Tomorrow there was a hunting trip to the hills planned, now that the estate was more or less in order again and the medics had signed him off as fit. He was looking forward to that - it would be a little like being young again, before he grew too old to stay at home…

He stepped back inside through the screen doors, savouring the cool of the inside of the house - and the fact that it was inside. However, lunch did not seem to be ready as yet. The table wasn’t laid, which seemed a little strange. For the past three weeks, the absolute regularity of events in Mahn had been one of the things that had convinced him he was home.

There were voices coming from the hall - agitated voices. _Female voices_ , he reminded himself firmly, suppressing the surge of adrenaline. _Mahn clan_. Not enemies, not rivals. Following hard on the heels of the adrenaline came curiosity. He poked his head into the hall. Sunlight was streaming through the open front door, making the hangings glow deep gold, but the voices were actually coming from the office across the way. He could pick out Kurin’s voice raised in disgust at something. What could possibly have annoyed his staid and phlegmatic sister? He wandered across and leaned into the office.

Kurin was leaning on the desk, the fur on her neck and shoulders bristling and every line of her body taught with irritation. Tian and Niyar were slumped on the other side, staring glumly at a sheaf of papers. He took another step into the room and Niyar looked up and scrambled to her feet, her ears already flickering down. “ _Na_ Khym! I’m sorry, I didn’t realise you’d come in - I’m afraid we delayed lunch while _ker_ Kurin was busy…”

He shrugged, keeping his ears pricked and giving her a careful little smile - sometimes they still seemed so afraid of him, the cousins, even though he was now their lord. He wondered how long it would be before they believed they were still welcome at Mahn, even a Mahn under his lordship rather than their uncle’s. “It’s fine, I don’t mind waiting. What’s the matter? Is there anything I can do to help?” He leaned hopefully forward, trying to read the top sheet of the paper, and trying not to see both Niyar and Tian backing several steps away, respectfully.

Kurin had never been afraid of him, or respectful, for that matter. She turned, still bristling, and snapped, “You can’t help, Khym. It’s a lawsuit, not a fight. Apparently one of Mahn’s borders is not where we thought it was.” She shook her head angrily, her claws flexing half out. Her right hand was still braced on the desk and her claws were scratching the fine wood, he noticed unhappily. In some ways, her temper seemed as bad as his these days.

He kept his own ears firmly up and tried to catch Ku's eyes, to signal that he wasn’t trying to create difficulties. “I understand. I’ll wait on lunch in the garden.”

“ _Na_ Khym, I can come and ask them to get you something now…” Niyar began, nervously.

“No, it’s fine, this is more important. Stay and help Kurin and Tian.” He started to turn away. _No, wait. This_ is _more important and Mahn is as much mine as Ku’s._ He spun round and took two steps to the desk, resting one hand on the papers. Tian nearly fell out of her chair and Niyar ended up with her back to the wall in her haste to get to a respectful distance. Kurin, in contrast, glared at him with her ears back. Her nose didn’t quite rumple, but it was close.

“Wait, Ku… I’d like to have a look at this.” Not “let me”. He was _na_ Khym Mahn and it was his right. He met her eyes squarely. “You may remember that I studied some law, once.”

Kurin stared for a moment, then brought her ears forward with an effort and stepped to one side, waving a sarcastic hand towards the desk. “Be my guest, brother.” He could have sworn he heard a little sigh of relief from Tian.

He gathered the papers towards himself and flicked past the first page. “ _Vrossaru_ brought this suit? I thought they were allies?” He avoided looking at Tian - Tian Mahn _par_ Vrossaru.

Ku’s lips curled back. “They were. It seems they don’t like change.”

He stared at her for a moment, thinking through the implications. Presumably _na_ Arian Vrossaru had hoped a male with closer ties to his clan would take the lordship - there were several among the cousins, all banished. His and Ku’s mother had been a Marrar, and no relation at all to Vrossaru. He shook his head, bending once again to the papers, then froze, startled. “Ku, this will never stand up in the _han_. Did you see when they say the boundary changed? In our father’s time - it’s too late for them to challenge it.”

“Really!” Ku bent her head next to his, then glanced at him sharply. “You’re sure? I’ve never heard of this limitation.”

He shrugged. “I’m sure, but get a lawyer to look at it. Get an Immune, they’ll know the statutes.” He paused. “But it won’t make Vrossaru love us any better.”

Kurin flicked her ears at him, her eyes much brighter than they’d been a few moments ago. “So? _Na_ Arian’s old, he won’t dare challenge. What does it matter if we’re at claws out with Vrossaru for a while?”

 _I don’t want a challenge from one of_ na _Arian’s sons or nephews either. I just want some peace._ He stared at the desk, even as Kurin gathered up the papers cheerfully. Niyar put out a tentative hand to his arm, “ _Na_ Khym, I could get you some lunch now, if you liked?”

“In a moment, thank you, Niyar. Ku, what’s on that border?”

Ku shot him an enquiring look. “Nothing. Hills. Reasonable hunting in them, down to the plains. Why?”

 _Reasonable hunting._ He shut his eyes, picturing the hills to the north of Mahn, bordering Vrossaru. They were beautiful and wooded, he remembered that - no hunting for _uruus_ , but plenty for _eolc_. _And Vrossaru has plenty of industry in their territory and very little good hunting._ “Ku, they want hunting rights - that’s it. They want some sort of assurance they’ll be able to hunt into the woods - I’m sure they always have done, but they think we’ll get all zealous about the border, now…” _Now that I am lord_ , he’d been going to say. It still gave him pause.

Kurin flicked her ears, looking irritated. “As well they might think that. What’s your point, Khym?”

He spoke slowly, feeling his way. “I’d rather have Vrossaru clan as allies than enemies, or even neutrals.” He looked up to meet her eyes. “Don’t go to a lawyer. Tell them we know their suit is null and void, but that we, we offer them hunting rights to the forest on the north side of the hills on our northern border. During certain periods,” he added hastily, seeing her ears flatten, “As a gesture of - good will and the continued alliance between Mahn and Vrossaru.”

Ku stared at him for a long, narrow-eyed moment, her ears not quite back. “Only female hunters, of course?”

“Of course,” he replied, as negligently as if he’d already considered it.

“Huh. It may well serve, brother. Well done.” Her hand on his arm as she walked past with the papers was proprietary and condescending. “Maybe you’re good for more than fighting after all.”

He waited until she was out of the room before sighing deeply. He might be Lord of Mahn, but he was still Ku’s younger brother. He startled at another timid hand on his arm and swung round to meet Tian’s heartfelt look of gratitude.

“ _Na_ Khym - thank you. I would rather have allies, too. I’ll go tell them to prepare lunch now.” She and Niyar fled. He stared after them, feeling unreasonably heartened. Maybe he would make a good lord after all.


	3. Lover

"Who in a mahen hell are you?"

“Khym Mahn,” he said. “Your husband.” Her eyes went wide for a second, then narrowed again in swift conjecture, as her ears swept back with no very friendly look. _Oh, no._ She was shocked, shocked and disapproving – he should have known that even a spacer would take a dim view of his being out alone - and, much, much worse, off Mahn land. He had to make this up, claw it back somehow.

He hadn’t expected it to matter this much, when Kurin had mentioned marriage.

* * *

“It would be helpful politically, Khym, if you would take another wife.” Ku’s voice was carefully neutral - she had learnt, at least, that trying to bully him about personal matters was useless.

He refrained from sighing aloud or flattening his ears - partly in courtesy to the fact Ku had phrased matrimony as a suggestion rather than a demand, but mostly because she had had the cunning to open her negotiations during an estate meeting, rather than waiting to get him alone. Niyar, on the far side of the table, pricked her ears forward with interest. Apart from the political ramifications, a new Mahn wife might also bring new trade, which would be of particular interest to her in her position as accounts manager.

He wasn’t actually opposed to marriage - after all, he’d done it three times before. _Just weary_. He sometimes wondered if his wives wouldn’t prefer being married to Ku or Niyar than to him - after all, they would get much the same out of the arrangement, leaving aside the siring of children part. All of them wanted to live at Mahn and enjoy the privileges of the estate, and some of them wanted to help run it, but none of them seemed to want a lot to do with him. He’d given up trying to share his interest in science with any of them - his first wife, Liha, had looked at him very oddly when he’d started to explain the development of flowering plants during an otherwise pleasant walk in the gardens. After that, she tended to find an excuse to slip off - important work she had to do _immediately_ \- when he tried to turn the conversation to anything outside household matters.

Tamy, his third and most recent wife, had shared his interest in the law, which had made an excellent beginning, even if she was more than a little skittish around any discussion of the legal traditions of other sapient species. However, she’d lost interest in talking to him about it after the second child came along. He tried not to think that it was because she’d got what she wanted then - a daughter with a claim to Mahn. It wasn’t that he didn’t like the children, either - he’d like to take more of an interest in the children, but that also wasn’t quite right, somehow. He’d caught the look of horror on Tamy’s face when she’d found him explaining the lifecycle of butterflies to a fascinated Tahral. It was probably, he thought gloomily, because Tahral was male - but he was only six, just a child! Was it so very wrong for a man to take an interest in his son?

Ku’s pointed cough brought him back to the matter at hand. She was looking at him expectantly, hiding her irritation with his dreaming. Niyar just looked expectant, as though waiting for the next act in a play. He liked Niyar, though he would like her even better if she would forget for a while that he was her lord. He suspected that, quite apart from having a well-developed sense of the ridiculous, she might also be interested in learning - but it would be far from appropriate for him to have those sort of discussions with a junior and younger cousin. He arranged his face in a pleasant expression and asked quietly, with only a trace of irony, “Who did you have in mind, Ku?”

He thought he caught a muffled snort from Niyar, but Ku was far from abashed by the implication that she’d have picked out a bride without consulting him. She didn’t look as happy at his implied acquiescence as he’d expected, though. “Well. It’s said that _na_ Kohan Chanur’s sister is looking for a husband.” She gave a non-committal shrug.

“ _Chanur_? Have they approached us?” That explained Kurin’s hesitation, even as she nodded. Chanur was a spacing clan, a radical clan - as far from staid, traditional Mahn as it was possible to be - but they shared a border to the south and Kohan Chanur was canny enough to want alliances with his nearest neighbours. As, to be fair, did he. He leaned forward, suddenly very interested. “ _Na_ Kohan has several sisters, does he not? Which one does us this honour?”

Niyar was obviously torn between shock and amusement, but Ku replied neutrally enough. “ _Ker_ Pyanfar Chanur - _na_ Kohan’s full sister. It would be a good match - though it has to be said, she’s not so very young. I’m surprised she’s not married already - _ker_ Jofan, their aunt, manages the estates.”

Ku looked disapproving, clearly unable to imagine why a woman wouldn’t aim to contract a politically auspicious alliance at the earliest opportunity. He couldn’t resist tweaking her - it might make Niyar laugh, as well. “Maybe she has better things to do, Ku.”

Kurin snorted. “Well, of course, she’s captain of one of their ships, which I suppose takes her away for long periods. Still…”

He’d stopped listening. _A spacer! Just think of the stars she must have visited, the things she will have seen…_ He interrupted Ku’s continued consideration of the politics, “Which ship?”

His sister blinked at his urgency. “ _The Pride of Chanur_ , I think. I believe they have at least one other…”

“Yes. Ku, tell her yes.” This time both Ku and Niyar frankly stared at him.

“Do you not want to consider it, brother? I haven’t even shown you the proposed contract, though it does seem reasonably favourable, and Chanur is rich…”

“I don’t need to see the contract. I’d be delighted to marry _ker_ Pyanfar. Tell them I look forward to meeting her - when does her ship make port? Soon?”

The look Ku gave him was torn between suspicion and relief at his enthusiasm. “Apparently the ship is already at the station - Gaohn Station - and _ker_ Pyanfar should be travelling down any day now. Shall I ask them to call us when she is due to arrive?”

“Yes, please, Ku. I’d like to welcome her myself.”

* * *

Now it came to this meeting, out on the border, and he was horribly afraid that he’d ruined it before they’d even begun. The shock had faded from her expression ( _at least she wasn’t as easily shocked as Liha?_ ), but she still looked far from pleased. “I don’t do this all the time.” _Please don’t think I’m an idiot._ “I told them I was going to the garden. I guess no-one’s looked.” Her expression had not warmed at his faltering explanation - he should have known that she wouldn’t approve… _She’s so beautiful, too, so capable looking - I bet she’d notice if someone vanished for hours. I bet she knows so much about the world - worlds! - beyond Anuurn._ His voice dropped, “I wanted to see you…” _Before the rest of them, when it could just be me and you, and nothing to do with Mahn and alliances…_  

Was it is his imagination, or did her gaze soften ever so slightly? Her stance remained anything but conciliatory, though. She set her hands on her hips and looked him up and down, her stare turning frankly appraising. He felt himself start to blush. Her mouth pursed into what could have been the start of a smile, then she abruptly flattened her ears at him. His own drooped in instantaneous response, and now she really did smile, pricking her ears back up, the gold rings in them catching the light. _Spacer rings!_ He couldn’t help but think, excitedly, despite his embarrassment.

“Huh.” She continued to smile at him and he couldn’t help but smile back, feeling something warm and living unfurling between them. “Well, you got your border wrong.”

He really did blush, then, flicking his ears. As though any lord wouldn’t know the borders of his territory! He couldn’t stop smiling at her, though, and could only hope he didn’t look too foolish for words. Apparently not, because with another soft “Huh” of interest, she strolled forward and rested a proprietary hand on his arm. He cautiously stretched his other arm round her shoulders and then caught his breath on a groan as she reached up to tangle her other hand in his mane. “ _Ker_ Pyanfar…”

Her eyes were very bright, shining bronze, full of both amusement and desire. “I think Pyanfar might do, husband.” She pulled his head down to breathe softly into his ear, then took his arm to lead him into the bushes by the path. He went with her without any hesitation.

A considerable time later, they lay together watching the little clouds scud across the summer sky. He finally broke the comfortable silence. “Tell me about your ship - about _The Pride of Chanur_. Where do you go? What stars do you visit?”

She raised her head from where it was pillowed on his shoulder and looked at him in surprised pleasure. “You know the name of my ship?”

He preened, delighted that she was impressed. He knew what pleasure looked like on her now, and he wanted nothing more than to give it to her. “Of course! I checked, after everything was agreed. You are captain of _The Pride_ , and your sisters Rhean and Anfy captain _Chanur’s Fortune_ and _Chanur’s Light_. But tell me what it’s like! I can’t imagine space.”

“We really hope not to see space too close, most of the time.” Her voice was ironic, but she was still smiling. “It’s cold, black and empty. Nothing like Anuurn.”

“The stars, though. They must be amazing, up close.”

She laughed. “Again, you do hope not to get too close…” He watched her, as expectant as a cub and she looked at him more soberly, still smiling. “You really are interested, aren’t you?”

“Of course. Who wouldn’t be?”

She snorted. “Good question. Well, there’s Urtur - the system is lens-shaped, like an ellipse, and the star has rings. It looks like this bright spiral, glowing against the dark. It’s beautiful, in a way. Bastard to navigate through, though - there’s so much dust…”

He drank her words in, picturing it as best he could. “Urtur - is that a mahendo’sat word?”

That surprised her even more. “The system _is_ mahen-controlled. How by the gods did you know that?”

He shrugged. “I’ve seen mahendo’sat words before - Urtur sounds like them.” He continued eagerly, “Have you ever met one?”

“A mahendo’sat?” She was laughing at him again. “You could say that. I’ve traded with them often enough.”

“Tell me about them.”

She did. In return, he explained the genetics of eye colour to her on the walk back to Mahn, by way of how beautiful her own bronze eyes were. She was interested in the science (even if only amused by his effusions), _and_ she followed the statistics of allele frequencies. What more could any man want in a wife than someone to talk to?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of Khym and Pyanfar's dialogue here is taken directly from _Chanur's Homecoming_ \- obviously, this text is C.J. Cherryh's, and much superior to my own.


	4. Father

He wasn’t really listening to whatever Kurin was telling him about the potential rise in the price of _eolc_ meat, and what that could mean for their trade with Enafy province. The sun was shining through the office window and he really hoped the weather would hold for the next few days. He had plans - and was that a step in the hall outside? His head whipped round as the door opened. “Pyanfar!”

She smiled at him, her ears well up and her eyes bright, as she strolled through the door. “Husband.” She dropped her duffle bag in the corner and then added, in a noticeably cooler tone, “ _Ker_ Kurin.”

Ku kept her ears up, but her eyes narrowed. “ _Ker_ Pyanfar. You’re early.” She glanced between them, then sighed deeply. “I’ll leave you to my brother. Khym, we do need to talk about this again - tomorrow?”

“Not tomorrow, Ku. Maybe the day after.” He ignored her muttering, as the door closed behind her, then took two steps to take both Pyanfar’s hands, “Hello, you.”

She freed one hand to drape an arm round him with a satisfied “Huh” and he took the opportunity to bury his nose in her mane. She smelt delightfully of herself, and grass and spring sunshine from her walk here, and something sharply metallic underlying it all…

He raised his head with delight, “You came straight here from the station?”

She smiled with appreciation of his quickness, and winked. “How right you are. Kohan’s far too busy right now to talk to me - so I thought that I’d rather come and see you.”

It took almost no effort to ignore the implication that if _na_ Kohan hadn’t been busy she wouldn’t have come here first. “I missed you too. How was the voyage?”

“Good. We made an excellent deal on some steel tools - brought back some interesting teas from Llyene for sale here on Anuurn, too.” She pursed her lips in satisfaction, then gestured negligently towards the duffle bag. “I brought you a sample of the tea, we can try it later.”

He was genuinely touched - she must have taken the time to package it out from the rest of the shipment. “That would be lovely. Perhaps we could share it with Tahy and Kara - they’re old enough now to appreciate treats like this.”

Was it his imagination, or did her face still slightly at the mention of their children? “We could. Yes, let’s - but later. Khym…” Now it was her turn to nuzzle at his mane. He caught his breath, and followed her eagerly towards their bedroom.

* * *

The tea party was less successful than their initial reunion. The tea itself was delicious (Py had excellent taste, as well as a trader’s eye for a bargain), but their children were less than impressed. Perhaps that was unfair - Tahy was impressed by the rarity value of tea from another world, and inclined to preen as a result. However, her eyes glazed over at Pyanfar’s descriptions of trading with stsho. He was painfully reminded of his own attempts to share the natural history of the Kahin Hills with his daughter on a recent hunting trip. He couldn’t understand it - he was fairly sure his own younger self would have been fascinated by either topic. Kara, in contrast, just looked bored with the entire situation. He feared he understood that rather too well - the boy would far rather be sparring with his cousins. Which would be a problem, in a very few years’ time.

“Father, may I be excused?” Tahy was too old and, in her own mind, too dignified to wriggle in her seat, but she looked as though she wanted to. “Aunt Ku has said I can borrow her book on clan alliances.”

“The book will still be there tomorrow, Tahy.” He smiled at her - he could at least understand how tempting a long-promised book could be. “Could you not stay and talk to your mother and me for a little longer?”

Tahy looked dismayed. “But, Father, Aunt Ku said she’d read some of it with me this evening - she said she’d explain some of the more recent history.”

 _Aunt Ku will still be here tomorrow too - and she knows very well that Py is home._ Yet, he couldn’t help but notice that Pyanfar herself didn’t encourage Tahy to stay - and he had no doubt that Tahy herself noticed it too. _Whatever else the cub is, she isn’t stupid._ “Of course, if it can’t wait, certainly you can be excused, Tahy. Enjoy your reading.”

“Thank you, Father. Goodnight, Mother.” Tahy was also too old to run from the room, but there was a definite spring in her step as she left. Kara stared longingly after her.

“Can I also be excused, Father?”

“I am certain you do not have a book waiting to be read, Kara.”

He tried to keep his tone light, but he knew he hadn’t succeeded when Pyanfar spoke softly, “You’re excused, Kara. We’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Thank you, Mother! Goodnight!” Kara’s retreat, in contrast with his sister’s, was too rapid for dignity.

He shot Pyanfar a helpless look. She met his eyes with a sigh. “I’m sorry. I did try. I just find it so hard to talk to her - to either of them. I suppose we don’t have a lot in common.”

 _It’s because you’re away so much - but I could never deny you that. Besides, I know which you’d choose._ “I know. I - find it hard too. I think I assumed that children would share their parents’ interests.”

Py’s mouth quirked into a small smile. “Perhaps being a parent is like trading with other species. Assume nothing, because you’ll find out too far down the line that your assumptions were so much gods-rotted nonsense.”

He shrugged. “I guess.”

Py moved to curl next to him on the two-seater. He draped an arm over her and idly watched fire in the hearth. Slowly, the silence became comfortable rather than awkward. _If only I could somehow share this with the children. Now, while we still can, because in a few years…_ He sighed and Pyanfar looked up enquiringly. _Better get it over with, then it won’t spoil the next few days._ “Py, you know that Kara’s fifteen this year.”

She sat up with a jerk, her ears twitching back. “Fourteen, surely. No - wait. Yes. You’re right.” She took a deep breath and, with a small pang, he saw that she understood. _Tahy gets her brains from her mother._

“You know I don’t want to wish your downside leave away when you’re only just here, but…” She smiled slightly at his weak joke, as he continued, “How long do you think the next voyage will be?”

She let the breath out with a sigh of her own. “Oh, Khym. You know I can’t really say. Not accurately. It depends so much on what we find when we’re out there.”

“I do know. But… It would make it a lot simpler if you were here a bit more, the next couple of years.” _Because it’s meant to be a boy’s mother who sends him away - that’s much easier than if the lord has to make an issue of it and drive him out._

She met his eyes steadily. “I’ll try. You know I can’t promise.”

He tried hard to ignore the sinking feeling in his stomach. “I know that. Thank you - for the trying.” She winced, and he abruptly decided enough was enough. “Let’s not talk about it any more, this visit. Tell _me_ about the stsho, because _I_ want to hear.” That made her laugh. “And tomorrow we’ll go hunting.”

Her eyes sparkled. “Yes, let’s - I could do with some fresh air. It’s so good to see horizons again.” She hesitated. "And - maybe the children would like to come for that? If you don’t mind?”

She did try, he knew she did, and he loved her for it. _As though I could love her more._ “Of course they’d like to come and of course I don’t mind.” _Well, Kara will enjoy it at least._ “Now, let’s take the rest of this tea to the bedroom and you can tell me about the rest of the voyage.”

They would enjoy all the time they had together. Even if it was never enough. He promised himself that.

 


	5. Outcast

“Pyanfar.”

He’d known it would be bad, seeing her again, like this, but he hadn’t imagined the sudden pain. _Like an uruus horn to the chest might feel_. It hurt worse than the other wounds - though he wasn’t sure if that was true, or if he’d just stopped feeling them - he wasn’t thinking very clearly any more. The world had been wavering in and out quite a lot, before she came. Most of it actually still was, but he could see her in sharp focus. _Like hunter vision, but for love?_ The focus was a little too sharp - he could see every detail of her expression: pity, and horror, and shame. 

He’d never wanted her pity - and he’d have given anything not to have shamed her. Although, perhaps pity and shame were better than indifference. He wished he could forget Kurin’s expressionless face, when it had become clear that Kara had the advantage in the fight for Mahn. He didn’t know why he’d imagined his sister might support him - after all, Kara was her nephew and her future both, even if she’d have to give up part of the estate’s management to Tahy. It wouldn’t have made any difference anyway - he’d still have lost. That was the way it had to be: _churrau hanim_.

“Khym…” He’d been dreaming again - but Py was still there, her ears wilting and her hands out, as though she wanted to go to him. He forced his eyes wide, and realised that there were others with her. Unfamiliar hani - her crew, he supposed. _Haral and Tirun, Geran and Chur._ They’d been the cast of all the stories she told - under other circumstances, he thought dimly, he’d be delighted to meet them. He’d never imagined he would - certainly hadn’t imagined the pained looks, like faint reflections of the hurt in Py’s face.

 _Quick, tell her, before you lose the place again._ “Tahy - she’s inside. They’ve burnt the doors down… I waited - waited for you.” Sometimes he thought that was what he’d been doing, all his life. “They’ve set fires in the hall - Chanur’s backed inside. They’re calling on _na_ Kohan…”

He caught a quick movement from one of the others behind her at that name, just as quickly stilled. For a moment, he glimpsed an echo of a younger Pyanfar in that young hani’s stance, as he stammered and tried to tell Py what she needed to know about the situation in the holding. A younger Pyanfar - but someone else he’d seen much more recently was reflected in that young woman’s face. He abruptly knew who this youngest crew member was. Hilfy Chanur had the look of her father.

He remembered _na_ Kohan’s stare out of those bronze Chanur eyes, on a hot day, with the whole clan out for a hunting trip. He hadn’t meant to be seen - or had he hoped for a quick end? He really wasn’t sure, now. But Kohan Chanur, after that first piercing glance, had looked through the bedraggled figure in his hunting grounds as though he wasn’t there. Had in fact been at some pains to keep away, in the days after that first encounter, and to keep his clan away also. He’d wondered dazedly if he was already dead, that they all ignored him so.

Pyanfar was speaking to him again. “Kohan will come now. And I’ll settle Tahy.” He shivered at the growl in her voice, but it abruptly gentled on her next words. “How did you get to Chanur? Kohan knows?”

He met her eyes, remembering again that stare from eyes of the same bronze. “Walked. Long time ago. Forget how long. _Na_ Kohan let me…stay. Knew I was here, but let me stay.” Kohan Chanur had known another male was on his land and let him stay. He had no words for what that meant. He’d come to Chanur land for Pyanfar - in the hope of seeing her again, in case his death here could do her clan any service - but now perhaps he also owed her brother a debt. The urgency of the situation, of challenge, stabbed through his haze of fever. “Go on, Pyanfar. _Go on_. There’s no time.”

She turned away, not without one last speaking glance, and her crew went to follow. An unfamiliar light shape moved at the edge of his vision and he jerked his head round - to see something quite other. _Alien. Outsider._ It was - oh, it was beyond strange. Naked and pale, but with a mane like spun gold, brighter than any hani he’d ever seen. Queer, light eyes that met his with pity, intelligence - and curiosity? He drew a deep breath for the first time in what felt like months and stared in wonder and delight, reaching out a hand in a mute _stay._ Whether the creature understood or not, it paused for a moment. _What world has such creatures in it?_

“Tully!” Pyanfar’s voice, and the creature moved away slowly, until one of the crew caught its arm to hurry it on. He gazed after it, feeling as though this must be the end, his last gift from the gods - he’d seen Pyanfar again and met an alien - until he caught Py’s next soft call, “Khym…” He looked up and saw her beckon him on. _Maybe there’s one last fight._ He rose and followed her.

* * *

He had tried to die like a hani male should - he would have gladly done so to save Chanur for Pyanfar and her brother, and done so again to save Gaohn Station. It seemed that not all aliens were wonders to gaze on in astonishment - though he supposed, in another context, he might have found the kif interesting. He had never been particularly proud of his strength, but he’d been proud to put them to rout, proud to fight for the station and to defend Py’s kin - and somehow, he was still alive. Here, on a spaceship, with Py sitting on the end of his bed. The dream would have to end soon, but he didn’t want it to.

“You got your look at the station. What do you think of it?” For a moment, Py’s smile was an echo of that first few hours they’d spent together. _“You really are interested, aren’t you?”_

He smiled back at her, his ears up. “Worth the seeing.” He would carry those memories - of spaceships, mahendo’sat, kif and a human, a real Outsider - back to the Hermitage with him. It had been worth living on, after losing Mahn, even if it meant an outcast’s death.

Then Py started talking. He listened, more incredulous by the second, but with a small, shaky hope beginning to grow in his mind. Maybe it didn’t have to end here. There was more he wanted to see, and maybe he could. “It’s different out there,” she said, and he had already seen how different it could be.

He had tried to live the life he was meant to lead - clan lord, husband, father - and now it should have been over, but here he was. Maybe he could live another life now, in a new world, because the old one had never felt wide enough. There was more to learn.  As he watched Pyanfar slip out of the room, he silently vowed that he would follow her into the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, some of Khym and Pyanfar's dialogue here is taken directly from _The Pride of Chanur_ \- obviously, this text is C.J. Cherryh's, and much superior to my own.
> 
> Thank you to my patient beta readers! :)


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